How to Approach a Loved One Struggling With Hoarding After the Holidays
The holidays are often the time when families visit each other’s homes for the first time all year. Sometimes those visits reveal something unexpected and overwhelming — a home that’s become cluttered, unsafe, or unmanageable. When you love someone, it’s natural to want to help, but approaching the topic of hoarding is sensitive and emotional.
If you discovered a family member or friend living in a situation that worries you, here is how to approach the conversation with compassion, respect, and support.
Start With Empathy, Not Judgment
Your goal isn’t to shame or criticize. Your goal is to understand. Hoarding is rarely about “mess” and almost always connected to trauma, loss, anxiety, or deep emotional attachment to items. Begin the conversation with care.
Helpful openers:
“I love you and I’m worried about you.”
“I noticed you seem overwhelmed. How can I support you?”
“I’m here to listen, not judge.”
Avoid phrases like:
“Why don’t you just throw this away?”
“This is disgusting.”
“You need to fix this.”
How you begin the conversation determines whether they open up or shut down.
Choose the Right Time to Talk
Do not bring it up in front of others or during a stressful moment. Find a calm, private time when they feel safe. Hoarding is deeply personal. A gentle, quiet conversation works best.
Focus on Safety Before Cleanliness
It can be tempting to think the solution is a full cleanout, but it’s more important to focus on immediate safety issues first.
These include:
blocked exits
fall hazards
spoiled food
pets living in unsafe conditions
areas with mold or pests
rooms that cannot be used safely
Addressing safety shows your concern is rooted in care, not criticism.
Let Them Stay in Control
People struggling with hoarding often fear losing control of their belongings. Reassure them that nothing will be touched, moved, or thrown out without their permission.
Say things like:
“You’re in charge of every decision.”
“We will work at your pace.”
This builds trust and reduces resistance.
Offer Specific Help, Not General Advice
Instead of “You need to clean this,” try offering concrete, manageable support.
Examples:
“Would it help if we worked on one small area together?”
“Do you want me to help sort mail?”
“Would you like help finding a professional who understands situations like this?”
Clear, manageable steps feel less overwhelming.
Understand That Hoarding Is Not a One-Day Fix
Even cleaning one room can be emotionally exhausting for someone dealing with hoarding tendencies. Progress may be slow, and that’s okay. The goal is sustainable change, not forcing a dramatic overnight transformation.
Consider Bringing in a Professional
Sometimes an outside expert makes the process easier for everyone. Companies like ours specialize in hoarding support that is:
compassionate
private
trauma-informed
step-by-step
judgment-free
We help families who feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. We respect the homeowner’s pace, choices, and boundaries while creating a safe and functional living environment.
Reassure Them That They’re Not Alone
One of the biggest fears for people struggling with hoarding is shame. Remind them:
“You’re not alone.”
“I’m here with you through this.”
“We can get help whenever you’re ready.”
Your reassurance may be the reason they finally feel safe enough to accept help.
If You’re Worried About a Loved One, We’re Here to Support You
Our team at Two Sisters Cleaning & Organizing offers compassionate, confidential hoarding support throughout Charlottesville and surrounding areas. We help families navigate overwhelming situations with kindness, patience, and professional guidance.
Whether someone needs a safety-focused cleanup, a room-by-room plan, or a full-home restoration, we approach every project with respect and care.
If you discovered a loved one struggling during the holidays, reach out. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
